Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
