Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
