You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize