I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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