I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
