I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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