I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
