You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
