I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
