There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize