So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just invented taco cereal.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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