You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
