Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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