I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
