She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
