Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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