Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
