This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
