Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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