i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
