Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Im part way to drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
