the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
