ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
