Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
