the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
