it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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