who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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