he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
