Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
