We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize