Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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