honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
