Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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