Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
