I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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