I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
