I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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