You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
