so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
