he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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