thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
