im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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