Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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