I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
