It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
