I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
vagina is talking i cant
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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