Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
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