She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
