The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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