i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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