worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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