Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
