If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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