1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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