so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
