dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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