I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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