how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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