I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
