no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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