Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize