We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found the puke drawer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
