toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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