Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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