I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize