My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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