"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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