Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
