And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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