I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
