Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
