At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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