so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
