well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
