Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize