I looked at my own cervix.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
