i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
