Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
In America we eat man semen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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