I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
