my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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