hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
