I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
