maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
