I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just pee around me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
