Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
