It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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