if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
