He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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