he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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