and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
