don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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