i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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