garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
