I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
