wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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