you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
